2. Closure

I cannot sleep - it hurts too much. Even the music cannot block out my thoughts. It is not easy to cry silently in the middle of the night, but I have done it.

How can something that is not hurt physically be in so much pain? At least now I can move on - the tiny, tiny spot of good from the torn debris of my heart.

He is not the first, and I don't think he will be the last, but this cuts too deep. I don't know what this is. It may be love. I feel stupid just by writing that word. But what else could hurt so much?

I wish memories could be erased, like in books or movies. I tell myself to bear with it, that the pain will pass, but I'm not so sure. I will always think of him with an ache in my heart, even if I don't want to.

Emotions are what makes us human, they say. I hate it. I fucking hate it. But I will learn to let go, to not think of you constantly, or even when I'm lonely.

Goodbye. x

***

Remember 1. Crush?