The Morbid Mother

Don't walk between cars parked in a parallel manner, she said. You'll never know when one of them will move and crush your legs, leaving you crippled for life.

Don't have a spoon in your mouth when you're walking, she said. You'll never know when you'll fall and get impaled by it.

Don't walk too near the pillars at the void deck, she said. You'll never know if someone is hiding behind them, waiting to rape or murder you.

And perhaps the most morbid of all: don't be too fiesty, she said. You'll never get laid.