Stuck

So many places to go.... I don't want to see them as pixels on my screen or scenes in my head :(

Poot you

Interviews

Me, during the NTU admissions interview:

Interviewer: Hi!

Me, squeakily: hi

Interviewer: So where are you from?

Me, in my head: What does he mean, where am I from?

-Silence-

Me, in my head: Oh shit, better say something.

Me, out loud: Er, do you mean my education or my house?

-Silence-

Me, in my head: Oh shit shit shit

-2 seconds later-

Me, out loud: Punggol! I come from Punggol!!

Me, in my head: Oh shit


Me, during the SMU admissions interview (group setting):

Interviewers: So, tell us something about yourselves!

Me, after four other interviewees have answered: I like to read Harry Potter.

-SILENCE-

Me, in my head: Oh shit

Later on....

Interviewer: I would like each of you to give some comments or ask something about the [political] article you have read just now.

Boy 1: Actually I've been following the Bersih rally since 2.0-

Me, in my head: Wtf is this

Boy 1: - and I'm also from the young PAP blah blah

Me, in my head: Ok bye


Me, during the job interview for Best Fries Forever:

Boss: So why do you want to work here?

Me: Because I like to eat french fries

Boss: ... ok.

Me, in my head: Oh shit


Me, during the interview for my internship (group setting):

Interviewer 1: You will be required to help with F1 and do a lot of work, you know?

Me, meekly and demurely: It's ok, no problem.

Interviewer 2: Can or not, you look very fragile leh.

Me, in my head: Knn I thought must be demure

Me, out loud: Haha no la :)

Me, in my head: If you could hear me here....

Update (you don't say)

Kim's party! 

Yay happy birthday Kim (even though you don't read my blog)

Yeah only 3 pictures because I sat in a corner and read my book for most of the night. Ok no narrowed eyes please. It was a very interesting book - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Some of my favorite bits:

"You'd better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace. It's unpleasantly like being drunk."

"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"

"You ask a glass of water."

***

And then there's the babel fish part where God vanishes but I'm lazy to type it out.

***

"Curiously enough, the dolphins had long known of the impending destruction of the planet Earth and had made many attempts to alert mankind to the danger; but most of their communications were misinterpreted as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for titbits, so they eventually gave up and left the Earth by their own means shortly before the Vogons arrived.

The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the "Star-Spangled Banner", but in fact the message was this: So long, and thanks for all the fish."

I have painted my toe nails a strange blue green and now I feel ill looking at them.

Hard Times

Me, before entering Uni: I hope I get As.

Me, 2 months after entering Uni: I hope I get at least a B+.

Me, one semester after Uni: I hope I don't go lower than a B.

Me, one year after Uni: Just let me pass la, ok?

Brb, busy holding up the bell curve.

Sortes virgilianae

Today I planned to start on my Classical Literature Essay, and decided to play the Virgilian lottery for the second time (yesterday's - "Let the battle begin!").

I flipped open to a random page and pointed randomly and -

                                   "Euryalus countered:

"You're spinning empty arguments, they won't work. 
No, my mind won't change, won't budge an inch. 
Let's be gone!"


"You're spinning empty arguments.............."

But then Wikipedia said you had to let the book balance on its spine and fall open (which wasn't my method) so I tried again -

And the thing fell flat so I suppose there is no second prophecy for me and I am going to fail my essay bye.

Questions for God

Questions to ask God when you reach the pearly gates:

1. Are those big boobs on skinny girls real?

God: Uh, just because I didn't give you big boobs doesn't mean those on other skinny girls are fake, duh. Sending you to hell for such a stupid and self-absorbed question. Bye.


2. Not that I'm not thankful for it, but why aren't men biologically engineered to like fat women? You know, so they can get more woman.

God: You will be reborn the fattest woman in your next life to answer your question. Next!


3. Who let the dogs out??

God: ........ The same person who let your brains out.


4. Could you please show me the person who stole my wallet when I was in Primary 5?

God: It was me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


5. Er, can I know who are the ones who ever had a crush on me before?

God: A moment while I check the records.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Just kidding, there's no need to. Next!

***

Eh, I actually believe in a superior being/race who rule over us, just not necessarily this "God" that is the father of Jesus and husband of Mary (I know they didn't marry but...). Or, another possibility is that all these "Gods" (God, Buddha, Allah, Krishna etc) are actually the same person... with schizophrenia.

Or maybe the God decided to you know, customize his brand identity so he can cater to the niches (hence capturing the masses) and monopolize the market....... (except for the tiny segment of atheists)


...... Bye.