Back

I am here again because my youth is dying and I want to remember all the times I squandered it away (but hey I'm still schooling).

Time: 10:07pm on a Tuesday night.
Niggling thoughts: Unprepared for the meeting with my FYP supervisor tomorrow, laundry undone, face is oily, blah.

My thesis is shaping up like a fat woman in a girdle (i.e. not really) and a mild panic sets in every time I think about it. After which I stop thinking about it and therefore panic even more.

I do enjoy the modules I'm taking this semester though - Science and Lit & Children's Lit - as much as one can enjoy learning within bound parameters, a room full of strangers, and a few essays upon which my incumbent future lies.

Off to do the laundry. Ta.

Dayre

Sup guys I have officially migrated to Dayre (https://dayre.me/mandymacabre) so the 2 of you left (or am I flattering myself) can hop on over. It's cool to have 2 followers but I'm really just attention-seeking like everyone else.

 Also, if you're my friend I would like to know more about your life, of course.

Skinny shaming

Well. just came across this article: http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/10/skinny-shaming-not-reverse-discrimination/

In short, it argues that skinny shaming is not "reverse discrimination" because the skinnies do not face oppression on a societal level. Which I really agree with, because I think most people just participate in skinny shaming so that they can indulge in their self-righteousness -_-

In order to demonstrate their "high" morals, these people stand staunch that the curvy and the voluptuous are equally, if not more desirable (which is fine, because I think everybody has a preferred body type even if society can, on a hazy faraway day, rid itself of prejudice).

However, they somehow feel the need to degrade the skinnies in the process, and the whole "support curves" thing becomes deeply ironic because they are again trying to set a social standard that we should all measure up to. There is, ultimately, no deconstruction of any ideals or binaries, but merely a shift in privilege.

But it's true though - skinny shaming just doesn't stick the same way fat shaming does. Although I do not appreciate being called a bamboo stick/chopstick/lizard/lollipop/tweety bird (...).


p.s. Of course, this view only applies to those who shame to ride their high horse. Hope your horse throws you off.

Skincare holygrails

Hi. I am here to write about skincare because I have 2 presentations and an essay due next week. It's been some time since I've written non-academic stuff (On a side note, I just visited my previous pimple log on Dayre and I think I'm quite funny. Erm. *Buay paiseh).

I've blogged a bit of my pimple story before (here) but now I'm going to list some of my die-also-must-apply ones.


1. ASL // DrX
ASL stands for Acne Spot Lotion, not some dirty old man asking for your age/sex/location. It makes small pimples disappear, medium ones (with whiteheads) surface and drop off quick, and cystic ones (that are blind) shrink noticeably and harden over the course of a few days. Which is entirely remarkable considering that they are huge and go way below your skin's surface. However, I don't think you can completely get rid of the cystic ones with this. You'll need to go for an extraction for that and scream like you're being exorcised before you can heal from it. Also, this doesn't really get rid of scars. Excessive application may cause dryness.

This works the best for me so far, and its ingredients are not your typical over-the-counter type like benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid (I think).


2. Zinc Repair Creme // Method Brigette Kettner
I use this as a sunscreen. It's not labeled as one, but Zinc Oxide reflects UV rays and heals your skin at the same time. It's great because it seems to control my oil (or at least I think it's this product) and makes your skin look fairer and more even-toned after applying it. On the other hand, application is slightly more difficult than the usual gel/water/cream based sunblock because this one has a thicker consistency - it's more like a paste than cream (you'll get use to it - I use small dab-swipe motions to apply it)

This is also more expensive (like $130+ for a tub), but it can last for a very long time. I've been using it for about half a year and I'm around halfway through it. So if you pro-rate it it's actually okay! (Yeah I tell myself this for every product I buy)



Actually I kind of forgot what other products I've tried and liked. I'll tell you what didn't work for me: IDS clinic's range. In fact, it didn't seem to work for anyone who wasn't sponsored. Hmm.

Maybe I'll do a post on treatments/ home remedies next time!

The things you see

I tell myself all the things he told me; that it was just a fleeting moment of recollection and musing, stirred by a present image, and concretised by inspiration. I tell myself that the romanticising came from imagination and embellishment, propelled by his love for writing. I tell myself that it shouldn't matter to me, because it doesn't matter to him.

I tell myself all the things I want to hear, and all the things he wants me to hear.

"Franz Kafka, the story goes, encountered a little girl in the park where he went walking daily. She was crying. She had lost her doll and was desolate.

Kafka offered to help her look for the doll and arranged to meet her the next day at the same spot. Unable to find the doll he composed a letter from the doll and read it to her when they met.

'Please do not mourn me, I have gone on a trip to see the world. I will write you of my adventures.' This was the beginning of many letters. When he and the little girl met he read her from these carefully composed letters the imagined adventures of the beloved doll. The little girl was comforted.

When the meetings came to an end Kafka presented her with a doll. She obviously looked different from the original doll. An attached letter explained: 'my travels have changed me... '

Many years later, the now grown girl found a letter stuffed into an unnoticed crevice in the cherished replacement doll. In summary it said: 'every thing that you love, you will eventually lose, but in the end, love will return in a different form.'" —Kafka & the Doll: The Pervasiveness of Loss

Poems for sale

I walked to the canteen

and the bananas were

green.

Life. 

HAHAHAHA cheem or not. Lai lai selling poems for the upcoming christmas/new year/valentine's day. One poem $5*, includes a thorough dissection and analysis so you can impress whomever you're trying to impress. If you buy 3 poems I'll give it to you for $12, ok? If you die die want big words in the analysis you can purchase it at an extra 50c/word. 

Y'know what I'll provide a sample analysis for the poem above:

The poem, in general, espouses the vanity and futility of life. It finds expression in the mundane matters of everyday life; in the case, buying a banana (ok sorry I really don't know how to make buying a banana sound eloquent. Can change fruit if you think bananas remind you too much of dick). This banality not only makes the sequence of actions relatable, but also serves to remind how futility can be found even in the smallest of matters, exposing the persona's bleak outlook. The line breaks function to accentuate the disappointment of the persona as it builds suspense through the pauses, only to tear down the climax at the end with the acknowledgement that life is often undertaken in vain. Although uttered as a despondent sigh by the persona, the conspicuous lack of any italics in the last word also emphasises the loss of resilience, signalling a complete resignation. As such, the loss of belief and motivation can be seen as an indication of a nihilistic mindset, which does not offer any redemption or ideals even by the end of the poem. 

Wtf so many words for only $5, very worth it right?? Lelong lelong~~~




*Subjected to length. 

Es Muss Sein

Today we did The Unbearable Lightness of Being in class. I think what resonated most with me was the negation of the concept of en muss sein - it must be - in the novel.

I used to (still do?) think that everyone I have ever met was because it must be - and it could not have been otherwise. I did not think that it was attributed to chance or fortuity. Sometimes I marvel that I know the people I know, because of the chain of causes leading up to these meetings seem so tenuous in retrospect. But isn't it fate (so cheesy...) when things happen the way they do, despite an infinite number of possibilities that could have run its course instead? Or is it really just chance that a particular chain of events unfold?

Or perhaps we are living the it-has-been-otherwise without realizing it. Sobering thought.


***

I'm thinking of reviving this space, but I don't have much content. A lot of blogs seem to make outfit posts their main content. I think if I make my bf (or bae, as they call it nowadays -_-) take a picture of my outfit every time we meet he might bring me to Pulau Ubin and come back by himself. But honestly, besides the lack of content, I have come to - not despise, exactly, but I cannot find a better word for it - my own writing.

I was so discouraged by the results of my academic writing when I first entered university that I stopped writing here (I averaged a B-). My sentences, besides being unable to express my ideas, were flat, ineloquent, and sterile (unfortunately they still are). I thought that was the nature of academic writing, until I read some stuff that a particular professor wrote, and that stuff was just... exquisite.
All I can say is... p o o t. This is the extent of my eloquence.

Dayre

Um hi (to who har). I'm blogging at Dayre now (just started, so I should be enthusiastic for a while)!

Poot lyrics

Vanilla Twilight by Owl City

I look at my hands and feel sad / Because the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly

... You think very poetic? I tell you - SPACES BETWEEN FINGERS ARE ADJUSTABLE. You could hold hands with Ah Meng and it would still fit perfectly, ok??

That's right sista

Love You Like A Love Song by Selena Gomez

I, I love you like a love song baby / I, I love you like a love song baby / I, I love you like a love song baybeeeeeeeeeeee

Wait. This has the potential to make sense if it's better expressed. Like.... "I, I love you like how they sing of love in love songs baby". Lolol sing until Selena go meh (....).



Fall for you by Secondhand Serenade

But hold your breath/ Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you over again / Don't make me change my mind

Ok.... THE GIRL FART YOU WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND NOT HAHAHA